- Go potty every chance you get.
- Stay out of the sun.
- Avoid making promises.
- Never give undeserved gifts or praise.
- Beware of undeserved gifts or praise.
- Winning an argument may lose a friend.
- Never argue if you have nothing to gain.
- If you must do battle, fight with someone else's troops.
- Nothing is what it seems to be, and nothing turns out as expected.
- It's easier to change a plan than to have no plan.
- People don't change, they get older.
- Nobody can predict the future.
- What's here today is gone tomorrow, but nothing really changes.
- Don't say what you don't want repeated.
- An erect penis has no conscience.
- Never loan what you can't do without.
- Never borrow what you can't pay for.
- Have a check list and follow it.
- Never dive in water below 80 degrees F.
- Always pee in your dive suit. (There's no such thing as a dry suit.)
- A fish moves faster than a camera shutter.
- Don't piss off the golden goose.
- There's no problem you can hide from.
- Imaginative minds can always find a new problem or complaint.
- Rules are made to be wondered about.
- When asking a group to assemble, no time is a good time.
- There's no such thing as a water-proof camera, strobe or housing.
- If you were smart enough to hide your stupidity, you wouldn't have to.
- The reason you dive is to get away from meaningless conversation.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- If you can't have a good time, be a good time.
- If someone else will do a dirty job, let them.
- Don't ask for it -- you just might get it.
- Whatever lens you choose, it won't fit your subject.
- Always hang your dripping wetsuit over someone else's locker.
- Don't shoot in the ocean what you can shoot in a pool.
- "Good enough" depends on whether your position resembles William Tell's or that of his son.
- Never fart if you are the first person to take a seat in first class.
- Heed George Washington's advice: avoid entangling alliances.
- Avoid diving in Russian submarines unless you have a pony bottle.
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- A person who is nice to you, but is rude to the waiter, isn't a nice person.
- Trust everyone, but cut the cards.
- If at first you don't succeed, try viagra.
- Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
- Work is good, but it's not that important.
- Be nice to your friends. You never know when you will need them to empty your bedpan.
- Nap whenever possible.
- It's better to have something and not need it, than to need something and not have it.
- Famous last words: "Oh, don't worry about that; it'll never happen."
- When all is said and done, much more will have been said than done.
- If you can't take good photos, go to Church and pray.
- Establish the location and supply of TP before the need arises
- Another person's lack of preparation or reading of directions isn't your immediate emergency.
- To start endless conversations, ask any group about o-ring grease.
- Exercise daily, and you will live five months longer--in a $5,000 a month nursing home.
Jim Church www.jimchurchphoto.com Live-aboard Underwater Photo Courses
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